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Gholdengo stands in a field to refresh his Binance wallet.

The GameFreak madmen have done it again. Pokemon Scarlet and Purple push the series’ Four-digit global Pokédex, and the 1,000th Special Pokémon turns out to be a gold coin surfing monster with a fanny pack called Gholdengo. Will it sell me crypto? Is it made crypto?? I can’t wait to find out.

I first heard of the Gholdengo of IGN, who noted the coin entity’s striking resemblance to a General Mills cereal mascot, but was otherwise eloquent in its praise. It turns out that Gholdengo is the evolved form of Gimmighoul, a Dungeons & Dragons– Nintendo revealed style mimic chest earlier in the month. How this evolution happens is the real magic. youtuber nickcucc described it as“Probably one of the most tedious yet drastic evolutions you will ever experience in your entire life.”

When you defeat a Gimmighoul, it drops gold coins. Once you collect 1,000, your Gimmighoul will evolve into Gholdengo on the next level. “His body appears to be made up of 1,000 parts,” reads the Pokédex entry. “This Pokémon gets along well with others and quickly befriends anyone.”

I’m sure is quick to make friends. One moment you are feeding Gholdengo a Bocadillo de Jamón, the next day you are talking about how you can farm Dengo Coin at 16% and you should buy the dip on it FTX token that just exploded. Web 3.0 is not going to happen on its own. Now be a good Pokemon trainer and ditch those TMs for some NFTs.

Insofar as Gholdengo looks like a walking Ponzi scheme, it’s a low-key testament to the series’ own flawless durability through the decades. Pokemon is too big to fail. Scarlet and Purpleit is performance issues can’t stop it from being the most pre-ordered game in franchise the story. What if the 1,000th creature in the series looks like it’s coming back from doing DeFi TikToks at Burning Man?

In the end, good or bad, millions of people, myself included, will do whatever it takes to have another shot at catching these adorable abominations and browse them likespreadsheet calculation so obtuse it would even make your H&R Bcarrying lock crying. Even if the Pokémon in question is a literal keychain, ice-cream cone, or in this case, Gholdengo. I’ll catch so many of these damn things, and we’ll hold our diamond hands until the seas rise and swallow us whole.

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